Five months! It doesn't seem possible. Six months since going out with B. Everything going well. All very positive.

It's not about B and love life or that kind of stuff I'm writing about now. This is going to be a work blog for a while. Then and now. Lady with no name to lady with something to say. Hmmmmm.... How to start.

Today I was standing up infront of 5 young lads about to start training in IT. Nervous lads. They were all unemployed before coming to our company. This is the start of their future. And I'm playing a large part in it. Not just organising but helping with the soft skills training and giving them backup and form to the 6 month course.

I stood up infront of them and spoke. And they listened. And they smiled. And they answered questions I posed. And they looked to me for reassurance when my boss (standing beside me giving them her own in your face version of training) challenged them. I'm still in shock that the person who started writing this blog last year is the one who has just been promoted, company car, much more responsibility and lots of opportunities for development.

Is that really the same person  !!!!!!!!!

The blog might be transferred to the council's intranet but until then I'll write unedited.

It begins.....

We have 6 weeks to get this up and running. Can you do it?

Um, well, OK yes. I can do it.......... I WILL do it.

Here's the business case. Here's the outline course. You still need to do your normal job and we'll give you as much help as we can.

(Actually, I'm still being paid as a typist, but never mind, it will stand me in good stead)

Get to it. Plan timescales. Organise trainers. Interviews. Tests.

Whole day of presentations. I have a session, big boss has a session, HR have a session. Was I nervous, or was I nervous???? Oh, my goodness. Said the same thing over and over, forgot what I was talking about and went blank, nervous voice. Oh, well, big boss was very sympathetic.

Letters. Phone calls. Interview feedback to the unlucky candidates... that was an interesting experience. First person who called I told them where they went wrong. It was supposed to be easy as it was all written down for me.

Wrong.

I messed up. Boss, very politely (she's good at acting) Remember we interviewed a lot of very high quality candidates and it was a difficult decision.

OK. Next one that called, start with the high calibre of candidates, then positive remarks, then the bits that they can improve on. That felt a lot better. By the time I had spoken to all the unsuccessful candidates I sounded like an expert on interview techniques and even the mothers were ringing me thanking me for my feedback. How cool is that? (not my phrase) 

Then the successful candidates call in with their passports and grins from ear to ear. Now it all feels real. All the planning and blood sweat and tears are paying off. The process works! And we have some really good trainees who just needed this chance to make something of themselves.

Contracts. Accounts. Timetable. Re-write the timetable. Talk to engineers. Re-write timetable. Get an idea of the course as an entity, not just 25 pages of lessons. This is getting hairy! Just a week till the course starts.

Suddenly the whole office came together and we all helped eachother.

It was no longer my course, my headache, but OUR course and they were HELPING.

They were helping ME.

Yes, of course it's their job and they want it to be successful. So they were helping themselves too.

But wasn't it wierd to have people on my side.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO FIGHT!

But.

Gulp! What are we doing to these people? Giving them the corporate spiel? I don't think that's going to do anything for them, or for us. They've worked in shoe shops and burger bars, this is not going to go down well with them.

Same time the boss has a gulp moment and takes bull by the horns. We look more closely at the timetable and make it more user friendly. The slides we were promised didn't come till the last minute. I can't be doing with that. I'll make it up as I go along.

That looks better. Not only does the timetable look better, I realise I'm using skills I hadn't used for year. Talking to my boss and she listens. Contributing. Understanding. Feedback. Negotiating. Comparing. And I'm learning much more directly from her. This is someone who might even be a role model. Me, who never had role models. Interesting turn in life.

We did play the 'it's up to you' dance.

She: It looks like I'm doing all the lectures now.

Me: I can do this one if you like. This one is right up my street and I'd love to do it. Would you like me to do any?

She: Do you think you'll be alright doing it?

Me: Yes. I need to get on and do it. For myself as much as anything. Would it be helpful for you if I took some sessions?

She: Well, whatever. I don't mind. It's up to you. If you want to do it then go ahead.

Me (thinks): Does she mean she's being a kind boss and giving me some scope but she really wants to do it? I can't tell what she means. I have to do what I want to do. Which is take some sessions myself. Even if I'm no good. I need the practice then I won't dry up.

Got that out of the way. Starts on Tuesday. Are you ready? No, I'll work over the weekend. Practice what I'm going to say then I wont dry up.

Weekend. B gives me pep talk. I must look at it as an acting job (that's his profession, so reasonable he thinks like that). By end of weekend I was confident but still didn't feel I could speak what I'd planned.

Re-wrote the lot and it sounded much better.

B gave me a confidence exercise which worked. It seemed to change the nerve pathways in my brain. One day I'm going to write a book about this and how all the threads come together, change, tennis, Alexander Technique, meditation, re-learning ways of thinking, being. One day I'll have the words to put them together and it'll make a lot of sense.

It's the end of day 2 today. I'm far more relaxed with the group and speaking infront of everyone. Exhausted too. Happy exhausted. I went to pottery this evening and threw some new shapes, did a good job, found some energy to be really creative. Thank goodness that's still there despite all the energy I'm using up at work.

I think tomorrow I'll write about the trainees. There are group dynamics going on that we've encouraged. This time I'm on the outside watching and not on the inside doing. Very different experience. Enlightening. Humbling. I feel very privaleged to be part of this.