The Job

First week over. It wasn't too bad after all.

I'm sooooo tired!!!!!!!

Feet still ache!!!!!!!! And it's Sunday.

Although yesterday I made myself drive all the way over to the blues club despite being late and going a different route. Didn't know a soul when I got there. Sat on my own. Then joined somebody for a better view of the group. They were OK, but they had a guest guitarist who was really good. Left with only a fiver in my purse and they wouldn't take a cheque. So I had to drink lemonades. Next week I'll be paid - yipeee!!!

The Boyfriend

J. called and is missing me. He didn't come this weekend cos he had more stuff to move down to Dorset. He said he'd lost his dog yesterday and with a long drawn out story with his mouth full of crips (I complained cos I couldn't understand a word he was talking about) the dog was delivered to the local vet. Why he didn't say he was OK to start with I don't know.

Yes, the more I talk to him, the more I know he's not a long term relationship. But I do like the idea of an occasional comfortable weekend with him. Not next weekend as his children are visiting. I need to sit through the 'bitch' stories for a while when he complains about his ex. But being tired, I won't have the patience for much - ha ha!

Other men, shopping, pottery classes

It's funny, but I've started thinking more about my ex again. I got sad driving back from the blues club, I know he would have enjoyed it. He hasn't written for a week which means he's on a writing jag again and probably won't emerge for weeks.

I also got sad when I went to Sainsburys. I put nicer things in my basket for the first time since February. Fine beans. Spinach. Nectarines. Pate. Olive oil. Nice shampoo. I've been surviving on such basic stuff for so long they seem like nectar. Is this nightmare really going to come to an end????? I can hardly believe it.

Next week pottery starts. I'll have to try and move my class to an evening class. Not sure whether I'll have enough energy to go after work, but it's worth it to see. The plan is it'll energise me.

Today, some mending. The hem came down on my cheap polyester trousers. It rained too much last night to be able to cut the grass. Maybe it'll be OK to stay long this winter.

One more video to watch and send back the Blockbuster subscription. Then I just have the Screen Select one to run. I have a nice sexy one to watch and if J. doesn't come over he'll miss it too!!! Hard luck.

R.'s health is steadily getting worse. He was given another whole body scan yesterday, still isn't able to keep his food down, but seems to be on top of things mentally. He doesn't feel like talking much on the phone but mostly calls every evening. I don't cheer him up as much as I used to do. It used to be easy to get him talking about spending 6p on a bar or chocolate and now he wouldn't dream of spending £1-10/- He's said a bit about it being more serious this time. At least he'll know where he stands after the results of his scan yesterday.

He gave me a really good verbal personal reference for my job. He's such a great person.

Health

I've stopped bleeding! What a relief. Still on the progesterone tablets, but maybe that means the hyperplasia is under control. Haven't had an appointment through for my checkup yet so I won't know for a while.

And to move on...

Now, let's see who I am now. Slighly lonely woman in her 50's with greying hair who doesn't want to cut it short. Go to work with it tied up and let it down at the end of the day.

I can do lots more than they thought I could - help out with presentations using software I hadn't used before, setting out the posh tea and biscuits and brochures for board meetings. I fluff answering the phone a bit and forget the name of the company. Must be my age. Forget people's names (always been like that). I concentrate, multi-task and put a little extra into the jobs I do. They say that although the job is meant to be until mid November, it'll probably last until the new year. Depending on whether the original post holder comes back or not (she's just had twins) it could go on indefinitely and the job will expand. Sounds perfect for me. As long as I don't get too exhausted.

The bus journey to work is slow and painful. Takes 45 mins to get there and an hour to get back. I think I'll take the car when the winter comes. Maybe I'll get less tired.

The pay is reasonable. The people are nice. There's a great anti-bullying attitude and they don't talk behind people's backs. All is looking hopeful so far.

The odd evening out will mean I have to leave from work and take a change of clothes on the bus and my dinner as well as lunch. Off to see the film Metropolis at the Barbican next Monday. I wonder how much I should tell them about myself. Will they accept my wierdness? The only time I've ever been really accepted was at art school.